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I Have A Bad Feeling About This.

I watch a lot of news. Not obsessively so, I don’t think. But with my business sidelined by COVID and health keeping me home a lot more for the same reason…. I don’t know what we see in the news is true and what isn’t…. so much politics now…. there’s very little truth out there, just a lot of spin… but I do know 200,000 people are dead and even the White House is saying that’s going to double by Christmas. You go ahead on out and run around with an assault rifle screaming for your right to not wear masks and such. It’s a free country, right? Tell you this, though. Know what’ll still be here this spring? Me. I’m not here to tell you what I think. You don’t care what I think, and I couldn’t care less what you do. It’s a crazy thought, isn’t it? Just straight up, no bull sh*t honesty. Trust me, no one does than anymore.

So if i’m not here to tell you what I think about something… and I promise you, I’m not… You don’t need me to tell you what to think about the protests, or whether mail in voting fraud is real, or im Trump has Putin’s hand up his backside. You no doubt have an opinion. Not one word I say is going to change your mind. If you’re blue (da boo dee da boo da) You think Trump sucks. If you’re red you think people who think that suck. I will never understand why so many people spend so much time on that. No one actually “does” anything anymore. They blog about it. And read other blogs. And argue. And make memes and cute little 30 second A.D.D. videos about it. It’s a complete circle jerk. And also the only thing anyone seems to care about any more.

So if I’m not here to bore you with my opinion, why am I not off playing Playstation or mowing my lawn?

When you watch as much news as I do, you start to see how things are connected. For example, When Trump hired Scott Atlas, I knew instantly he was about to start pitching herd immunity at us. Why? Because I watch Fox and CNN. I’ve seen the guy. He’s an X-ray doc or some such. Not a dumb guy, obviously. But there was literally only one thing Fox ever had him on for. He was literally known as “The Herd Immunity Doctor”. I’m not even joking. So I saw it coming. It starts happening when you learn how to filter all of the stupid opinions out. You realize that there are, occasionally, actually news stories still out there. And in our stupid little reality show world, where all we do care about is partisan spin and celebrity skin, we miss it.

Now here’s the thing. When I saw the pattern in what I’m about to share with you, I had a thought. And I laughed at that thought. Joked with myself about my first conspiracy theory. But once I started to see the pattern, well, it was like this.

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I couldn’t see the young woman at first. Once you do, though, you can never unsee her.

So, since most of us have far more free time than we used to… hell if you’ve gotten this far you obviously have some now… let’s dive into a bit of crazy. I’ll promise you a couple of things… you won’t be able to disprove a single thing I say. Trust me. I’ve tried. You will laugh at yourself, and then a small part of your mind will wonder. And it will bother you.

Here’s the first piece of the puzzle.

That was just before Christmas. When Trump first announce he was going to start this “Space Force”… I laughed. Weather you support Trump or not, unless you’re just a moron, you know that sometimes he just does sh*t. Spur of the moment, play it by ear stuff. So when he said it initially, I just figured it was Trump being Trump. And when he actually started the damn thing… yeah, I was a bit amused. But impeachment. And Christmas. Far more important sh*t to worry about than The Donald playing space man.

But a few weeks ago, at one of his rallies, he mentioned it again. And again at the next one. And I thought… is that still a thing? And that question was enough to get me in front of the laptop.

It turns out that not only is it still a thing, it’s a far bigger thing than I at least had any idea at all of.

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This is the guy running it… General John W. Raymond. I’ll spare you the details… Google it if you care… but the guy is a big shot of sorts. Not the type of Military guy you’d ever in life expect to be involved with some dumb sh*t.

And as it turns out, if the Space Force is doing stupid sh*t, it’s incredibly expensive stupid sh*t.

A base budget of 15 Billion big ones, and more that 200 billion is side projects tied it with it. That’s this:


When you look at the state of the world… government arguing with each other over what we can and can’t afford… how in the hell can we afford that? And what is so important up there that we’re throwing around this kind of cash?

It turns out… not much. At least not much that I can find. And yes, I realize that if they were doing things in space, some would most likely be secret. But as much as Trump blabs about the thing, you’d think he’d put on a show of some kind, especially with the election coming up. If we’re spending that much money up there, there’ something he could post on Twitter. But not a thing.

However, I did stumble onto something else:

Seems like a pretty mundane story, doesn’t it? But if you give it more than a casual look… there are some parts about what you just watched that don’t make a damn bit of sense.

First: That’s basically a little space shuttle. Not as big as the ones that carried people, but too big to hide. If that thing had been circling the globe for two years, there are some things we know would have happened. We would have seen exactly 7 trillion images and videos of the thing taken by amateur astronomers and posted everywhere. Do you have any idea how many nerd with telescopes there are out there every night? I looked for over an hour. There ain’t a damn one out there.

Two: That’s not just a little space shuttle, that’s a creepy white FBI van looking space shuttle. You really think China and Russia and Iran and Korea and the rest of the bad guys club would have been cool with that thing cruising around over their heads for two years? They would all have thrown their own creepy van shuttles up there and we’d have had a traffic jam. And with a fuss like that, again… we would all have heard about it. So what can we deduce? One, that thing wasn’t orbiting. It went some damn where. We’ll get back to where in a bit… but here’s a spoiler… there aren’t alot of potential destinations if you’re not an idiot. And the fact that we didn’t here a damn peep about the thing until people noticed the sonic boom means the rest of the world… at least the people in charge… knew about it and apparently were cool with it. When does the world ever agree on anything?

Now as I’m looking for Space Force stuff on line, I obviously kept bumping into one guy in particular over and over… Elon damned Musk. Yeah, i was peripherally aware of the guy. Always shooting off rockets. Planning trips to Mars. Electric cars. But I couldn’t help but notice that he and his Space X program have really ramped things up. Really ramped up. As in a year ago he was planning trips to Mars in a few years, and at the moment he has a small fleet of his Mars arks ready to fly and they’re suddenly spending alot of time testing out how to land one of these things.

Now keep in mind… while I’m listing these things off to you in the order I stumbled onto them, I found them over time. So other than all being space related, alot of these things will seem random and unrelated. All I can say is keep reading. And at any point you doubt… stop and fact check me. Look it up for yourself. There are alot of pieces I’m leaving out, as you’ll see, that are almost certainly true but that I couldn’t verify. When you start searching… and you will… you’ll see.

Next puzzle piece:

That is the United Arab Emrites launching a ship to Mars in July. If you knew that the UAE even did space, you’re one up on me. Hell, if you knew exactly where UAE was on a map other than somewhere by Saudi Arabia you’re one up on me. And the answer to that question is that no one knew they did space. So why, in the middle of a pandemic and collapsing international economy, are these idiots spending untold billions of dollars to send sh*t to Mars? What in God’s name could possibly be more important on a dead red rock than what’s happening here?

But it turns out that’s not the main question here. The question isn’t why did these idiots waste all of this money to do this now… it’s why did the idiots in China as well? Yup, within days of each other, 3 separate countries… UAE, China, and the good old US of A… all doled out an infuriating number of dollars… in that same pandemic and economic collapse. Do we ask why now?


Because the parade wasn’t over. In August, a few other countries joined in as well. Russia, Israel, Australia, The United Kingdom, Germany, Saudi Arabia, Korea, and Japan. And in the fist week of September, three more countries tagged along. Stop and think about it. People dying all over, countries going broke, and 14 countries spent a combined trillion dollars to send… what… care packages? To Mars. All at once. If you’ve got a rational explanation for that, I would dearly love to hear it. I have one, but I hope someone has a better one. Mine sucks.

So this is where I had that first crazy thought. Trump spending a fortune in space quietly. The whole world spending a bigger fortune sending care packages to Mars. Elon Musk building a damn fleet of starships and working like hell to land them. That was where the though started… sitting at my dining room table making fun of myself as I showed my sent my oldest a screen shot of my browser history. (at which point he told me the X Files is on Netflix.)

And then I remembered the little creepy whit van space shuttle. A question popped into my head… and Google let me know that flying to Mars would take between 6 and 9 months. Just enough time for our van shuttle to fly to mars and back. Without needing to support life on that trip, you wouldn’t need a big ship. Everything it needed for that journey would comfortably fit in that van. I checked. Hell, with a bit of luck they could actually have landed the thing. And reality is… like I said earlier… there aren’t alot of potential destinations if the thing wasn’t in out orbit. In fact, that’s literally the only one. But… why would that be kept quiet? And then there it was. Elon Musk is building a fleet of ships to Mars, and suddenly really worried about how to land the things. Every country on the planet that can afford to just sent a bundle of something to Mars all at once. You don’t have to be Stephen Hawking to see what it looks like. A bunch of people… people in power… are going to Mars. Soon. They already sent a bunch of stuff out ahead. They’ve at least been thinking about it for a couple of years, because they sent the creepy van out to do recon… and in a world where no one does… they all shut the hell up about it. And for some reason they’ve had their schedule pushed up. Alot.

And that’s when I lost it. Almost half an hour I laughed. I will say this… the guys who surf around and dig this sh*t up… they’re dedicated. You really have to have some time to waste to do this.

But the next day, I was still thinking about it. Because as ridiculous as my idea was, I couldn’t come up with a single other one that even remotely explained all of it.

So I tried to prove myself wrong. One thing about the conspiracy nuts… these Q anon freaks and such… they dance around facts. It’s all rumors, anonymous reports and “someone close to the source” and often just fiction. But if I stuck to facts, this one should be pretty easy to shoot down, right?

So I started with the obvious question: Elon Musk is hurredly taking a bunch of the world’s elite to Mars. In a hurry. The government knows and is helping.

Why in the hell would they do that?

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Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

My first though was the most obvious. COVID. Some ass in a lab in China was playing with this thing and it gets loose. Some among us have doubted, but look at the numbers. They’re about to get really hard to ignore. When that number hits a million… and that’s coming far sooner than most of us think… things are going to get dark. But what if they’re not telling us everything? Hell, in the US we can’t even get our parties to agree what we should do. No one really knows what to do. It’s about the stupidest pandemic possible. If they shut the world down for 2 months… whole world working together… took those simple stupid steps… it’s be gone. Like we literally have a full color labeled roadmap to work with. We’ve seen it work in dozens of countries. But other countries don’t, and the ones who do open back up, and it keeps spreading. Maybe the government realized that this thing is on some doomsday sh*t. There was probably a time when we could have shut it down in the beginning, but that’s not possible. Not taking steps to safety has somehow been made into a cultural… almost religious… issue. Pandora’s Box is open. If that’s the only way to stop it, we’re screwed. Don’t tell me about pandemics. Look around our country. 60% of us won’t take a vaccine if Trump puts it out there. Herd immunity can’t be gotten to that way now. And hell… it might not be possible. Another of those quiet news stories you find all over the world if you look…. there are people getting COVID again. So maybe the big shots realized it… and COVID is a planet killer. There’s no way they could build a successful settlement like this. But they could build something to keep them alive while the Earth purges itself.

It’s a great theory, but it doesn’t explain everything. COVID is a steady bastard. The math is alarmingly consistent. I’m telling you, I’ve been watching this thing since Italy and that damn curve just does not change. You can alter it, but it has this disturbingly rubber bandish way of always finding it’s way back to it’s original spot. I read up on it, and I did the math. (with a calculator, of course.) In the absolute worst case scenario, COVID could wipe out a massive portion of humanity. Like 95%. But that’s if everything went to sh*t. No vaccines work. Immunity doesn’t last. The thing keeps evolving… which at this point we have no idea if it will… some caronaviruses do… and there have been multiple strains already…. masks stop existing… But that’s not going to happen. But like I said… the math doesn’t change. Even if everything went to hell, that would still take years. Elon wouldn’t have his panties in a bundle and be in such a sudden hurry.

So if not COVID, what? And then I found this gem.

So… yeah. Some questions. One… why would the pentagon decide to drop this in these wild times? That couldn’t wait? It waited this long. And why in the hell is this not a bigger story? The government is basically telling us out fighter jet pilots are up there chasing aliens. As much as we love space anything…. why is this not something we’re all talking about? I get that Trump dominates the news cycle, but come on. This is f*cking aliens.

And then… another piece?

I can actually provide an update, as well… look it up if you’d like… The internet is forever. It still doesn’t work. It’s unknown when it will, but it’s not soon. And no one as yet explained what happened. At least as far as we know. Because that’s pretty much the last we’ve heard of it. From anyone. Our biggest ear to space on Earth mysteriously implodes and is never heard from again? In the age of the internet? Bullsh*t.

But while all of that is shady as hell, it’s also too much. If there are aliens here in physics defying space ships, aren’t we pretty much screwed already? Unless… Maybe it’s just scouts or something that are here, and the main force is coming! That’s why they knocked out the dish in Puerto Rico!

But while that one was fun, it’s still crap. The nerds are all still looking up. If there was a mother ship or an armada or some damn thing coming, someone would have seen it. So Elon and Don aren’t running to Mars to get away from COVID or aliens. What’s left?

Turns out the most cliche of answers might not be as cliche as you’d think.

Note: It’s a bit of a dry video; there’s a quick summary afterwards.

So: Summary. In the second half of 2020 a whole bunch of big ass rocks are coming really close to us. Like an insanely “Only in 2020” number of them. To make it simple… Imagine the solar system is the size of a football field. Earth is the size of a tennis ball. The moon is a golf ball and is about 5 feet away. Every few years, something big enough that if it hit us it would break sh*t comes within say, 10 feet of us. Think Halley’s Comet. In 2020, we’ve already had more than 20 come as close or closer than that golf ball.

The good news is that while there are a bunch more coming close in 2020… almost a dozen… only one has any chance of hitting us and it’s less than 10 feet across. It will burn up in the atmosphere; only a few will even see it. But in another episode of “Why in the hell is no one asking this sh*t?”, I had to ask myself… isn’t a bunch of big ass space rocks hurtling at us something we should be worried about? But even the Q anon freaks, who think that every fart is proof of democrats pedophile cabal, who never met a moronic conspiracy theory they didn’t like, aren’t saying sh*t. But where the hell did all of these big ass rocks suddenly come from? And why are they all hurtling toward earth?

The short answer is that they aren’t all hurtling toward earth. We’re just hearing about the ones that come close, because as we pretty much established earlier, if it doesn’t directly affect people, no one cares anymore… like the pentagon and their UFOs. In fact, there are hundreds of these things coming across a swatch of space that covers about 10% of that football field. Basically a cluster of these things passing through. Most of them will have no effect on us whatsoever. What it basically is is a big meteor cruising through our solar systems with a bunch of satellites caught in it’s gravity.

The main meteor is about a quarter of the size of the moon, and if it hit us would literally destroy the planet. Fortunately, the closest it will come is about 40 million miles; about half the distance from the sun.

So what does this all have to do with Earth and Mars and Elon and Trump’s space force? The answer is the first week of February.

That’s when one of the side rocks traveling along with the big rock is expected to come within 293,000 miles of the earth. For some time…. these things were first spotted two years ago… some were predicting that this particular object… which is just over 400 feet in diameter, could hit the Earth. But as it got closer and the math became possible, it was established that it will cruise by at that comfortable 293,000 mile distance.

One small problem. That’s not vacant space… that’s almost exactly the distance our little golf ball is from us. That’s right… one of these big ass rocks looks like it’s going to hit the moon in February.

So would this send rich people running off to Mars?

To answer, I present my conclusion. This would be why you stuck around through almost 4,000 words of my blabbering. My final thesis, if you will. The one scenario that literally explains every little mystery I just took you to Youtube for. And I dare you to prove one word of it false. Like seriously.

So two years ago, the super nerds who scan the skies for aliens found a big rock passing through. A big rock with a bunch of smaller friends. Other nerds with calculators did their math, and while they immediate realized the mini planet wan’t coming close, but one of it’s friends was.

But 400 feet doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Well, if it hit Earth…

400 feet is about double the size of the one they said would destroy a city. And we have some defense mechanisms that the moon doesn’t. An atmosphere that will burn a good chunk of the thing away before it hits. We’re much bigger. What would a meteor this size do to the moon? Worst case scenario it could send the moon crashing into the Earth, Or throw it out of orbit. Either of which would make this planet worthless to us very quickly. On a smaller scale, it could cause earthquakes, tectonic shifting, and a whole list of other apocalyptic sh*t.

In short, no one knows. It’s all guesswork on this big a scale. But most of what I’ve read puts the odds somewhere around 50/50 that this thing could make Earth unlivable either instantly or over time.

So realizing this, the smart people tried to decide what to do. Could we run away? Not a lot of destinations within reach, as we discussed. Can’t go the moon because it’s about to blow up. Only other real option? Mars. And so they sent out the creepy FBI van space shuttle to check things out… figure out whatever they need to see if we could run there. (Go dig for the science if you’d like; I did. It’s there, but boring. I’m a conspiracy theorist today. I have to avoid boring.) Meantime, we’ve all seen Armageddon. Enter Cowboy Donald and his space force. No doubt the military guys are now working with the scientists to make bombs that will blow up the big rock. It would explain the Space Force itself… and all the insane money we’re spending. And why we’re not seeing what on; if the guy didn’t want to panic us with a virus, imagine how hush hush he’d be with a mountain coming at us.

But it appears that the folks doing the planning aren’t all that optimistic. Every country that could afford to already sent all of the supplies up to start a quick Mars colony. In fact, over the rest of 2020, there are more than 20 more ‘missions” scheduled to head over there. Elon is losing his damn mind, turning his whole empire into an assembly line for big space buses.

It all makes sense, if you look at the big picture. It would explain so much… about so many things… including Trump’s erratic 2020 behavior. Back to COVID… is there any way the guy could have handled that whole thing any worse? Hell, it almost seemed, at times, as if he was…. trying to make it worse, didn’t it? If you’re trying to hide an apocalypse, man… Donald Trump is your guy. He is the ultimate distraction. He keeps the media going on a 24 hour cycle. If the government had come out any time before Trump with the UFO thing, the world would have lost it’s damn mind. But in Trump world? That’s some page 8 garbage. Turn the guy loose. Tell him he can do pretty much whatever he wants. Go ahead and kill a few hundred thousand people. They might be toast, anyway, right? Do what you want with the economy. Hell, do what you’ve always done… play Monopoly! Just don’t spend the traveling money. You want to try to steal an election? Hell, do you. You and Joe will both be on the ship anyway. Just keep people busy. Hell, start a civil war. The uber republicans aren’t supporting Trump, they’re just having him entertain us while they pack.

So there you have it. The greatest theory in the history of conspiracy theories. It has to be… this one is mine. And please, laugh. I did. But in a day or two, when you start to wonder again… why in the hell is everyone going to Mars now of all times? Why does Elon need a fleet of space buses? Where id that creepy van shuttle actually go? What the hell is Trump actually doing in space? And why does no one from the law and order party care that the president has lost his damn mind and gone full Hitler?… and you will wonder… try not to obsess too much on it. A 400 foot rock couldn’t possibly do that much damage… right?

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Writing online for over 10 years.

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